Eid Time!

Happy Eid everyone!

And so, the Eid season visits again. Although saddened by the departure of the blessed month of Ramadhan, Syawal comes with its own blessings as well. Eid, the time to celebrate our achievements in Ramadhan and to strengthen ties and relationships with your loved ones. This year Eid does feel different. With the situation in Gaza as it is today, it is hard not to feel for our fellow brothers and sisters in Islam. Photos of rubble of what used to be places of worship and education strewn the empty streets, orphaned children left unattended and men and women bloodied from warfare can be seen on Facebook feeds. Anyone with heart and humanity would surely feel for them. My heart cries for them.

On a personal note, I have finally graduated! (more about this in another post Insya-Allah) Alhamdullilah, it does feel good. Especially during Ramadhan when you don't have to think about pending assignments or attending school. You could focus on ibaadah during the holy month. And of course, help out around the house in preparation for Eid. 

Reflecting on Eid

Upon reflection, the way we celebrate Eid evolves as you grow older. When I was younger, the excitement builds up as 1 Syawal draws even closer. When morning arrives, the euphoria peaks as we dress up and make our way to the homes of our loved ones. As usual, the Malay tradition of the elders giving out 'duit raya' (packets of money!) never dies out. And I would look forward to getting 'duit raya'. Almost every house that I visit, it's a guarantee that I'll get 'duit raya'. 

But as I grow older and wiser (I hope), I learn to contain that excitement. Why? Because it's gradually being replaced by sadness born out of the  the reality that the beautiful holy month of Ramadhan is leaving us. A month filled with bountiful blessings that we meet once a year. And we don't even know if we'll still be alive to meet Ramadhan again the next year. The reality of being older, of people's expectations of you taking on the role of adult weighs heavily on my shoulders. No longer would the elders hand out 'duit raya', no longer would they inquire about school and menial what-nots. 

And so begins the era of your aunties asking about your marital status:
'kau dah ada boyfriend ke belum?' (Do you have a boyfriend already?)
'bila nak kahwin nanti?' (When are you getting married?)

Questions of work or 'what's next?' since I've graduated:
'Kau dah dapat kerja?' (Have you gotten work?)
'Nak kerja apa?' (What kind of work are you interested in?)
'Lepas ni nak buat apa?' (What are you going to do after this?)

The embarrassing questions from your parents' friends just before leaving their house as they contemplate whether we are deserving of 'duit raya':
'Ni masih sekolah ke?'  (Are you still attending school?)
'Dah kerja?' (Are you working?)

What should I say? I'm clueless. I'm figuring it out really. But I must say, at this stage in life, it is rather ambiguous. People want to give out 'duit raya' but only give them to those still in school with the assumption that working adults do not need money but young children do? We do actually need money even more than the children though. But I digress...

In preparation for Eid

This year we baked! And baked and baked and baked lots of kuih and cookies and cake. There was a week during Ramadhan when we spent five days straight just baking. From morning till before breaking fast. It was definitely worthwhile. And a test of faith I must say. The aroma of vanilla-scented freshly baked cookies wafts in the air. For hours on end. The temptation to break fast was there. Those yummy kuih just waiting to be consumed. 

Shopping at Bazaar Ramadhan. It seems like a must-do every year. Shopping for THE dress to wear for the first day of Eid. I've always stuck to wearing 'jubah' every year. It's a one-piece simple dress. My reason being that comfort is of utmost importance. Especially when you're out visiting the whole day. Every year, we go to Geylang's Bazaar Ramadhan to find THE dress. And this year, the colour theme was turquoise. It was tough searching for it but alhamdullilah, we managed to find THE dress :) 

I'm sure we all have our Eid stories and so I will share more about it soon Insya-Allah.
Here's to wishing everyone a Happy Eid and may you be filled with peace, joy and contentment. 

~Salaam~

Divine Love Story

The strangest feeling that she ever had, was that Allah swt had sent someone for her to love and to love her. 

One obstacle after another seemed to line the path but Allah still kept them connected. 

Despite their differences in character, the way they disagreed with each other and the way they both thought, there seemed to be an invisible magnet that drew them together.

Over time, they realised how much they have both changed and now they seemed to be more in sync. They could understand without communicating, love without meeting and trust without promising.

She remembered there was a time after her tahajjud prayer, she felt cool air on her palms. That day was a day for the first 'test' that Allah swt sent her.

Probably the strange cool air that she felt was a gift from Allah to cool her heart.

Allah brought them together again and gave another test. She believed, just like the first test, this too shall come to pass.

Allah swt seemed to be sending many unexpected assistance despite the tough test that He was giving.

She believed it was His way of telling her, "Be patient. I'm with You.".

She believed that whatever that was happening, was going to be a ray of hope for others.

The Almighty chose them, to go through it and then share their struggles and success story in persevering in Your path during this tough modern times when people have forgotten about Allah swt. To remind the people, to appreciate and trust Allah swt in all matters.


~This was something that I stumbled upon on Facebook and thought of sharing it here:) 

Birthday Wish

There comes a point in your life when you have to turn into a mature and responsible adult. According to conventional norms, it comes when your age turns 21. Indeed, I am turning 21 in July. As the months progressed this year, I see my friends celebrating their 21st with parties and what-nots. I sincerely wish them all the best and may they be granted of long-lasting happiness. For more sadness in this world now just won't help.

Being a private person, I don't like the big HOOHA when it comes to birthday. Just being with my family feels right. And having good food amongst good old friends will cement a smile on my face. Or you know what, just a good undisturbed sleep. Its really just another birthday. Another year has passed. 21 years of age. When I was a kid, I truly could never imagine turning 21. I thought that somehow my life would end before I could reach 21. To others perhaps unimaginable but to me, I couldn't imagine or vision a life beyond 21. Now that, I'm here, the future looks unpredictable. As if, anything could happen. And my actions seems to reflect the nature of future. To elaborate, I do the most unexpected of things. Making decisions on impulse. Like donating blood without telling my parents. Or going to strange places. Attending talks and lectures. Attending to the endless flow of questions in my mind. Maybe everyone does enter such a phases of life. Maybe.

Turning 21 is huge in the legal aspect. You get to vote. You get entitlements. You get more responsibilities. Yo get more pressured into doing 'adult' things like get a job, get married, have kids. You have to think as an adult. Whatever does 'adult' mean? Is it purely defined by the number of years you exist on this Earth? De jure, 21 seems to be that number.

My family and relatives think I'm matured and responsible. They have no idea. Okay, perhaps, I am more responsible because I know what my priorities are. Matured? Ummm, sure why not? Let's just keep others thinking that I'm that.

Birthday wish... Hmm, what's the point? I won't even be in Singapore with my family on my birthday. I'll probably be sitting in front of my laptop, blogging about how miserable I am away from home on my 21st birthday. Let's see how what happens when that day comes shall we? ;)

India

You see this everyday roaming the streets of Delhi

This, is quite a rare sight. Camels. We took a camel ride to see the Taj

The grand entrance into the compounds of the Taj Mahal

Silks & Cottons of India Expo.
Amazing place.

The very people we were there for. The children in the Prayas community.

~Salam~

Bloody affaire

On the 8th of June 2012, Friday


I saw the dark red colour of blood flowing out of my left hand. It was a shock then it became thrilling.
This has always been one of the things I have been dying to do since the last time. Blood donation.

On a gloomy and rainy day, I left the house to meet up with my very good friend to catch up and have lunch. Before that, we went to the Bloodbank. I hadn't told my family where I would be going or what I would be doing. But I still went and donate blood. The Bloodbank is conveniently located in the north where I live.
I'm nervous about going there alone, not knowing what may happen there and after donation. I could have fainted at the sight of a needle or the sight of my own blood. To be honest, I was a tad confident that day. As if the invincibility potion flowed through my veins.

The Bloodbank is actually a bright and welcoming place. It was a pleasant surprise. Registering, check-up and some blood tests went as smooth as a baby's bottom. Before heading into the brightly lit room of donors, machines and what-nots, I grabbed a pack of Milo and drank on the spot. Just a last minute (futile) effort in increasing the blood glucose level. Also, the staff there are ever so friendly and helpful. And off I went into the room, there were three other men in the big, white-washed and spacious room. Large LCD screen TVs on two opposite sides decorate the walls. I felt so welcomed and safe. Upon sitting on the huge cushioned lean-back chairs, a lady quickly provided me with a blanket. Warmth. It had been raining since morning that day. 


As they were preparing the equipments, my gaze fell on the view outside. The windows covered half of the wall, providing a view of the skies and the building next to us. The clouds were still in a foul mood, projecting a gloomy forecast. But that surely did not dampen my spirits. 

The senior nurse walked towards my chair, alcohol swab stroked the crook of my left arm. A cooling sensation. Then, she revealed the needle. As she was about to insert it into my skin, I looked to my right, avoiding the scene. I would rather feel the pain than to see me subjected to that pain. Ouch! It felt like someone pinched me so quickly that there was no lingering pain. And so, I began pumping my left hand, gripping and releasing my fist. The dark red blood flowed just like a river flowing out to sea. I touched the bag containing a pool of my blood. Warm. How pleasant! I never thought I could feel the warmth of my own blood. In less than 20 minutes, they had collected enough blood. The needle was out and I pressed a swab of cotton. I didn't feel drained at all. It felt invigorating actually. It was a nice feeling to be able to donate blood, sharing the gift of life. As healthy human beings, we often take for granted, the very fluid that sustains us everyday, every minute, every second. With the gift of life flowing through our veins, it is our responsibility to share this gift. That's how I feel.

After many thanks and Milos, I left the Bloodbank for a much awaited lunch. My next Bloody Affaire would be in September. 

~Salam~

Restart

I'm back!

After months of absence,finally I have time to myself. Six months of absence sure is a long time.
But life continues to drive by us in lightning speed. The last time I was here, I was preparing to depart for India.
And it is the most incredible experience ever. Being an avid fan of Travel Living Channel, often times, I come upon the tourism advertisement for India. The catchphrase never fail to remind me of those experiences. 'Incredible India'. There truly is much to tell about the people I have encountered, the life within those brief weeks, the amazing food, the brilliantly coloured fabrics, clothes and shawls, the scenic landscapes. Masha-Allah. I miss it all.  Perhaps a separate post about the experience is fitting.

With all those months of absence, much has happened. Good times, bad times, tear-filled times, grateful times...Ahh, good or bad, Allah knows His plans for me. And I trust Him with all my heart. Whatever happens, I know that there is a reason. I may not clearly understand, but He knows it better than me, He knows what is good for me. And that is what that matters.

Whisked away

I'm off to India!

Almost a month away

Hari Raya Aidiladha is coming soon! This weekend in fact!Alhamdullilah for the time off. At least I can spend some time with my family and my books. The exams are coming and its time to bury my head in those pile of books just waiting to be read. Also, there won't be much time left to spend time with my family since I'll be gone for half of December. Why? Okay, its time to unveil the secret that I've been keeping to myself all this while. Visa has been approved. Tickets all booked.

In December, I'll be going to beautiful India. On a mission thats characteristic of who I am. On a mission to help in whatever way we can, the children in the slum community. Going into details here is stepping outside my comfort zone. So I'll just touch briefly. I'll be gone for more than two weeks. To a country I've only kept watching in movies every weekend. How exciting! And the weather there is especially cooling at this time of year  since I'm going to the northern part of India. Its ironic how early this year, I was dreaming and contemplating with a friend to go on a trip to India. Turns out that both of us are indeed going to India at the end of this year, albeit we're going to different parts of the country. I've much to say of this trip but since there's only one month to go before there is not much time to talk or write here. But I aim to write every single day I am in India of my experiences. Being quite an idealist, I am optimistic of the experiences. Insya-Allah everything will go on smoothly. Whoever who reads this, I only hope for your good prayers and well wishes.

Its not often one gets to fly to India and make a difference. 

~Salam~

Wrap-Up

And so, I wrapped up the week with three injections. How great is that. Fears of falling ill after the injections are omnipresent. Watching out for all the signs and symptoms. So far so good.

One more month till exams make their presence. And there's plenty to study. But I have yet to start revising. I'm just stuck in a mundane mood. Reporting mundane daily ongoings. When exams are over, maybe I'll reveal something that I've been working on. Possibility of going somewhere. Being a very private person, I tend to keep things to myself and my family. Not even revealing stuff to friends. But I like prying into other people's business. Well, actually, since I don't say much about myself, I'll just ask others about themselves ergo, prying into their business.

So much for wrapping up the week...

~Salam~

She said

I wished you were dead.
she said.

Words like these should never be said
Only now do I understand how hurtful it is
When you're the receiver.

News

At last! Finally some alone time with my laptop. These few weeks have been overwhelming. First with Ramadhan and as always it has been mentally and physically challenging. Then with Hari Raya Aidilfitri celebrations. Its still on-going I must say. And in addition to that, school is also on-going. So imagine having to go to school, study while your heart beats in a celebratory fashion. And next week, I have 4 tests in 3 days. Lets how I'll survive this week.

Also...

Psst... I have some exciting news. Its exciting enough for me. But I cannot reveal it until much later in the year. Maybe in November when everything is settled. Then I'll announce it to everyone:)

Yes, it happens

I hate when friends come over and ask “You got a bathroom” and i’m like

No, we crap outside…

I hate when I finish reading a really good book. It’s kind of like

Charging your phone for 5 minutes before you go out because you think it’ll make a difference.

That awkward moment when you’re really hungry, so you start watching the food channel

And you’re just sitting there like

I hate it when my mom’s mad at my sibling, so she decides to get mad at me too

and I am like,

When I’m out shopping with my parents and I see something I like

Boo!

When you click on a link and something scary pops up.

Selamat Hari Raya!

Selamat Hari Raya!

Of recent times

Today 14 Ramadhan 1432H is 14 August 2011. Almost half a month of Ramadhan has passed by. Way to fast in my opinion. There are some things I haven't been able to do or have the courage to bring myself to do. Many things have happened this month. Events that makes you question. Of how strong your iman is. A dear one falling seriously ill.Permanently. His family in unsteady limbo. My dad with a constant frown. My mum who goes all out helping others neglecting her own. And me. I'm just tired. tired. tired. Plus I'm sick with a flu. And guess what, school just started. Things being dumped on my plate.I hate or at least try not to whine but this sucks.


 There's another angle to look at these events. 


In this holy month of Ramadhan, Allah rewards in abundance. And with that, one would have to be deserving to be rewarded. As such, one would have to undergo trials and tribulations to be deemed worthy. Menguji keimanan seorang hamba di dunia yang fana ini. Ergo, challenges brought upon us serves to test our iman if indeed we have a strong iman and believe in Allah. Insya-Allah.


A part of me supports the first perspective yet the righteous part of me prefers the latter, purposeful perspective. Hikmah disebalik segala sesuatu.

~Salam~

When A Tree Falls

Story One:

Leaving the dark and cold lecture theatre, she took in the bright sunny glare of the sun. Warmth at last, she thought. It was hot but the kind of hot you would love on any picnic day. Time to leave for home. Briskly, she walked towards the busstop. Saying goodbyes to her friend, she crossed the road and turned left to walk on the concrete pavement. There's much greenery on campus with huge oak-like sized trees looming overhead and mosses straddling themselves on branches. Smiling to herself, she drew nearer to the busstop. But, with the sound of what seemed to be a crack of thunder, a large portion of a branch crashed and splintered into a million pieces right in front of her. In a spilt second, she froze. Shocked. Unnerved. Dazed. Noticing some eyes on her already, she stepped over the wooden rubble. Walking straight ahead like as if nothing happened was simply a mask to hide the dismay of what had just transpired. Her fist as white as snow clutched tightly around her white cellphone. Hiding herself behind the advert at the busstop, she averted her gaze from any prying eyes. 

To put it simply, she had just escaped from being part of the wooden rubble. She was mere seconds away from being smashed on the head with a large rotten tree branch. It could happen to anyone and anytime. But it happened to her. There and then. And before it all happened, there were news stories of trees falling and crashing people's cars sometimes resulting in fatality. But this time, it happened to her. Astaugfirullah.

Story Two:
The time was 4.05 pm. Hurriedly she closed the door, the metal gates and locked everything up. Checking all the locks once again just to make sure. Then off she went down the stairs and crossed the road. As she was walking, she took out her cellphone to check for the time. As usual, she recited the doas to ask for protection and safety. Amin. Again, she took out her cellphone to call someone. Denied. Caller was busy. She rummaged her bag searching for an umbrella. Found it and clutched it tightly. It had just rained heavily from noon. Now, it was just a very light drizzle that you can barely feel it. As would be expected, nature was everywhere. That was what she loved most about living up north. The neighbourhoods are quite new and the trees are ever so green and young. She called it her own rural countryside. Living together with nature was always her dream. Looking up to check for the drizzling rain, there were random people walking towards their own blocks. On she went walking. However, she heard the same crack of thunder. Louder and distinct this time. And down half the tree went. Again, right in front of her. The tree missing her just by less than a metre. Thankfully it wasn't a huge oak-like tree. Stunned. Dismayed. Traumatized. Sad. 

Again. It happened again. What are the bloody odds? she thought. She remembered her mum's words. "Take a photo if something like that happens again." She fumbled for her cellphone but she felt eyes behind her. She walked round the half the tree lying on the solid ground. She could have been lying on that same floor.

Again. She almost became a victim. Always mere seconds away from escaping an uncertain future. Falling tree branches and trees right in front of her, on the very path she always takes. Why?

Thats my question. 

Why?

Is it a sign? 

An omen?

Is it a foreshadow of a not-so-sunny destiny?

If it is an omen, its such a cryptic one. 

Yes, it happened to me. 

Not once 

But twice. 

What if it happens thrice?

I can never know. 

Cubaan. 

Ya Allah, aku faham ada hikmah dan sebab disebalik segala sesuatu yang berlaku.
Terangkanlah agar insya-Allah hati hambaMu ini tenang semula. 

~Salam~

Jealous

Jealous.

Yes I am jealous.

I'm jealous that they get to be so close to Kaabah

I want to be there
Up close

Praying
To step on the land that Nabi Muhammad s.a.w had once stepped on.

A land tremendously rich with history

The only way I can go there would be Umrah or the Haj.
Then again, I have to save a ton of money to go for either one. 

Plus, one would have to be married so you can bring your husband as escort or

 if single, bring your father or brother. 

Both conditions aren't favourable

First, I don't intend to get married that early.

Second, I would have to save up twice a ton of money if I have to bring my dad or brother.

Oh well

If one has a faith no one can shake

Insya-Allah
Allah will bring us to it.

~Salam~

Ramadhan

Alhamdullilah. Once again Ramadhan has graced us with its presence. Long have I counted the days till Ramadhan.

First day of Ramadhan
Excitedly woke up for sahur. Though excited, I felt aimless. Entered the kitchen looking for food but to no avail. Clueless I was in choosing what to consume to repel hunger from my mind and body the whole day. In the end, my dear mother made scrambled eggs. I had egg sandwiches for sahur. Sure enough that kept me quite full throughout the day. Yup, it might seem little but the weeks before Ramadhan I was fasting. Fasting to pay my debt with Allah. So the practice was really helpful. Waking up before dawn to eat was a significant mark to the start of Ramadhan. The night before we even prayed tarawih as a family at home.

What I did on the first day...
Nothing much. Listened to surah Yaasin  in an attempt to memorize it. Since school will be starting soon, there's much to do to prepare. Plus, spring cleaning well, Ramadhan cleaning actually, happens around this time. The house has to be cleaned by the time Aidilfitri arrives. There's plenty to say about the cleaning process but thus far this blog post is reporting pretty mundane whatnots.

Yet, I will continue. For I am attempting to record everyday of my Ramadhan this year. Insya-Allah I can improve on how I spend my Ramadhan with each passing year.

Second day of Ramadhan
I did not wake up for sahur. I stayed awake the whole night. Aiyayai. I was choosing and bidding for my modules and its no easy feat securing the modules. Disheartening when you get outbidded and the module you want is a core module. I'm still a little pissed about that. Then again, everything happens for a reason and especially in the month of Ramadhan. Allah loves us everyday regardless of our situations. The more Allah loves us, the more Allah gives us challenges. To see if we truly deserve Allah's love.

Grumpily, I dragged myself into the kitchen. Scavenged for food and decided to eat my mum's cooking.
During the day, I spent my time again worrying about my modules. Whether I would get them etc. Gosh, I hate this bidding for modules period. Because I think too much for my own good. Too much thinking leads to insomnia leads to disrupted pattern of sleep leads to waking up late leads to mum's anger pouring over me. Even now as I type this I am awake at bloody 3 in the morning.

Okay, enough of my mundane whatnots and rantings. This post was supposed to be a positive one.

 I hope and pray that Ramadhan this year would be a better and memorable one for all Muslims. Insya-Allah.

~Salam~

Quote

"If you’re trying to please everyone, then you’re not going to make anything that is honestly yours, I don’t think, in the long run."

– Viggo Mortensen

I just want to hug and cuddle this furry little creature