Bukalah Hatimu

"Sebaik-baik wanita ialah yang tidak memandang dan tidak dipandang oleh lelaki."

Aku tidak ingin dipandang cantik oleh lelaki. Biarlah aku hanya cantik di matamu. Apa gunanya aku menjadi perhatian lelaki andai murka Allah ada di situ.

Apalah gunanya aku menjadi idaman banyak lelaki sedangkan aku hanya bisa menjadi milikmu seorang.

Kalau aku ingin lelaki yang baik menjadi suamiku, aku juga perlu menjadi perempuan yang baik. Bukankah Allah telah menjanjikan perempuan yang baik itu untuk lelaki yang baik?

Tidak kunafikan sebagai remaja, aku memiliki perasaan untuk menyayangi dan disayangi. Namun setiap kali perasaan itu datang, setiap kali itulah aku mengingatkan diriku bahwa aku perlu menjaga perasaan itu karena ia semata-mata untukmu.

Allah telah memuliakan seorang lelaki yang bakal menjadi suamiku untuk menerima hati dan perasaanku yang suci. Bukan hati yang menjadi labuhan lelaki lain. Engkau berhak mendapat kasih yang tulen.

Diriku yang memang lemah ini telah diuji oleh Allah saat seorang lelaki ingin berkenalan denganku. Aku dengan tegas menolak, berbagai macam dalil aku kemukakan, tetapi dia tetap tidak berputus asa.

Aku merasa seolah-olah kehidupanku yang tenang ini telah dirampas dariku. Aku bertanya-tanya adakah aku berada di tebing kebinasaan? Aku beristigfar memohon ampunan-Nya. Aku juga berdoa agar Pemilik Segala Rasa Cinta melindungi diriku dari kejahatan.

Aku bukanlah seorang gadis yang cerewet dalam memilih pasangan hidup. Siapalah diriku untuk memilih permata sedangkan aku hanyalah sebutir pasir yang wujud di mana-mana.

Tetapi aku juga punya keinginan seperti wanita yang lain, dilamar lelaki yang bakal memimpinku ke arah tujuan yang satu.

Seorang gadis yang membiarkan dirinya dikerumuni, didekati, diakrabi oleh lelaki yang bukan muhrimnya, cukuplah dengan itu hilang harga dirinya di hadapan Allah. Di hadapan Allah. Di hadapan Allah.

Yang dicari walau bukan putera raja, biarlah putera Agama.
Yang diimpi, biarlah tak punya rupa, asal sedap dipandang mata.
Yang dinilai, bukan sempurna sifat jasmani, asalkan sihat rohani dan hati.
Yang diharap, bukan jihad pada semangat, asal perjuangannya ada matlamat.
Yang datang, tak perlu rijal yang gemilang, kerana diri ini serikandi dengan silam yang kelam.Yang dinanti, bukan lamaran dengan permata, cukuplah akad dan janji setia.
Dan yg akan terjadi, andai tak sama dgn kehendak hati, insyaAllah ku redha ketetapan Illahi..

Courtesy of 

http://www.iluvislam.com/tazkirah/nasihat/1691-titipan-buat-wanita.html?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d60ceca64d7df19,0

Bila mataku terlintas akan kata-kata yang benar ini, terasa maksudnya meninggalkan kesan. Kini ku tahu sesungguhnya diriku ini bukan keseorangan dalam menghadapi emosi dan pemikiran sebegini. Alhamdullilah kerana mata hatiku celik dari lamunan hidup ini. Insya-Allah akan ku cuba menjaga diri hambaMu yang lemah ini. 

~Salam~

Amin

"I know you are there Allah. I know you see my tears. I know you hear my prayers. I know you are testing me. And all I ask from you is to strengthen my Imaan so I can handle the struggles in life and have patience. I love you my Lord. My Allah. Please keep me safe"

~Hadith of the Day, courtesy of my aunt. 

Another one!

Greetings people!! As you may have experienced while trying to view this blog, you may require permission of something of that sort. Well, now I've actually created another blog which is most likely going to be interesting. That blog called 'Rayna Reveries'(yes, not far off from what I call this blog) is going to feature some of these that have remained latent in my room...

Amateur sketches, drawings and paintings
Collection of postcards, stamps and pretty snail mail
Adorable little creations of mine that I made from scratch
Collection of photographs which I just like to share for amusement sake


SO that would mean I have two blogs. This one here is most likely going to be less active but this blog features more of the daily chronicles and complaints of my life. The other blog-Rayna Reveries- I'm actually excited about posting some of the stuff I have. So look out for that :) http://www.raynareveries.blogspot.com/
Click it! Click it! I know you want it! :D

~Salam~

Hiatus

Its been so long since I've updated this blog. This week was hectic. Jam-packed with action. Well, not action per se. Just lots of things happening. I got back my English mid-term results. Lets just say I'm pretty happy with it. Hope the same goes for the rest of my mid-terms. OKay, I'll be going on a hiatus for a while. Exams are coming and I've got to focus. So that's all from me till a month later.

~Salam~

End

Not all is bright and shiny in the world. Misfortunes, calamities and disasters always happen. Its unstoppable. I know that. But sometimes I just wish that they don't happen. A friend of mine told me that her younger brother got into an accident and is fighting for life. And I prayed and prayed for Allah's help. Then, today, I woke up really early at 4 am. My mum was awaken by a phone call with unsettling news. Someone passed away.  After hearing that, I couldn't go back to sleep. My mum asked if I wanted to go to the burying site and provide emotional suuport. I couldn't go. Not because I'm busy. Not because I'm lazy. Its just that I can't go. I didn't wantto go. The first time I went to watch someone being buried, I was ten and I was alone. Alone meaning my mum wasn't there. My dad was busy handling the deceased. Basically, I was unguarded and was clueless about death. When I think about it now, that's the first and the last time I'll watch someone being buried. But somehow, I now that that won't be the last time. 
Today, I was reading a book on Malay-Muslims during the Japanese Occupation. The atrocities committed by the Japanese during World War 2, despicable to say the least. Some of the cruel things they did: slapping, forcing people to drink water until their stomachs balloon and then sitting on them, forcing water to come out of any crevices, beating a man up till he died when he was falsely accused, beheading them for the most trivial things, depriving them of the basic necessities, torturing them and making them suffer with hard labour. Many other things that I don't want to mention here. And I want to highlight that it happened throughout Malaya. It seems that in the history that we learn in school, they seem to focus on the misfortunes of the Chinese but neglect the Malays and other ethnicities that were equally present then. I know that the Japanese probably targetted the Chinese for fear of communist activities but there were other people in the country that are probably more affected than them. Other than that, I truly wonder how cruel they can be. Like why do those horrible things? Aren't they humans too? Human life seems to be very cheap to the Japanese during the Occupation. For the lives lost, for the prolonged suffering, was there even any compensation after the war? Is monetary compensation equivalent to value of the lives lost of thousands of children, mothers and fathers, equivalent to the traumatic experience and indelible memories of suffering?  Other than 'apologizing' for the atrocities committed, was it enough? From my point of view, it wasn't enough. For me, when I think about it, forgiveness is out of the question. Then again, who am I to say this? When I myself haven't gone through any of it. I guess Allah will be the judge.

I get so emotional with these kind of issues. Because you cant help but feel for your fellow men. You know how sometimes we watch the news about an accident or some earthquake of the coast, taking the lives of many, you don't actually feel sad or grieve. But when it happens to someone in your social circle, your family, the sadness emerges. And when someone whines about how shitty or depressing their week is because of homework, or work or friends and such, I cringe. Because it really is nothing compared to some problems like poverty, disease, starvation plaguing other people on this planet. You should just be grateful for being where you are and strive to make it better. 

Much misfortunes this week. Though it didn't occur directly but because of the proximity effect, we feel for them. I feel for them. Okay, I shouldn't say anymore. Privacy is of the utmost importance to me.

Thats all I have to share. I dread reading the rest of the book on Japanese Occupation.

~Salam~

Drama

You know how there's a lot of dramas on TV. Like Korean dramas that my mum and sis LOVE to watch. Like the indonesian drama my bro ADORES. The mss culture industry is really drilling into us these senarios that happen in dramas. Such that what Adorno and Horkhiemer's claim that imitation is absolute is coming true. That real-life is becoming indistingusihable from the shows we watch. Propagting the illusion that the outside world is the straightforward continuation of that presented on the screen. That's why I hate dramas. Because it seems that I'm living in one. While some may face drama at work or school and come back home to a cosy, comfortable sanctuary called home, I go to school to study and come back home to the "LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION" of drama. And it sure seems to me that I'm one of the villains and the hero is sure darn lazy to take charge and change things.

However, I still agree with Stuart Hall. He posits that the audience, us, can take on different positions in relation to the messages shoved into our faces. First, accepting and replicating the preferred code of message. Second, negotiating and modifying the message. Third, a global negation of the preferred code. I'm not going to take up the first position. I'm likely to combine both the seond and third position. Let see how it works out. 

Ya Allah, give me the strength to make things right. Kadang kala, aku tidak mengetahui mengapa perkara sebegitu berlaku. Adakah itu kesalahanku? Mengapa aku sering dipersalahkan? Dengan itu, akanku selalu berdoa meminta dorongan and pertolongan daripada Yang Maha Esa. Hanya kepada Engkaulah yang kami mohon pertolongan. Insya-Allah.

~Salam~

Relaxing

Too much relaxing for me... Just yesterday went out for a mini raya. Anyways, next week e-learning week. I'm going to once again plan a timetable and try my vrt best to follow it. This weekend, I've to finish my english, malay studies tutorial. Must and must. Because I actually like doing them. As for the rest, its interesting but tedious. Hope I have the strength to do all that is needed. Insya-Allah.

Sigh, I miss cycling. I used to cycle a lot during my hols. To feel the wind on my face. I feel alive. ONe day, I am going to cycle from my house to Sembawang Beach. Insya-Allah. I love the fact that Sembawang Beach is rather close. There's a mini jetty there. I've yet to visit Woodlands Waterfront. It has a super long jetty that extends halfway across the sea shared between Singapore and Malaysia. I'm so going to go there one day. Bila term habis, Insya-Allah pergi sana, tenangkan fikiran, fikirkan apa yang perlu dilakukan.

While I continue my reveries...I've yet to do work. Gosh, its nearing midnight. Off to watch Bones on TV. Hehehe...


Goodnight:)

~Salam~